Excuses

I'm sick of making excuses. I'm tired. I don't feel well. I wish my belly was bigger so everyone would just say..."oh she's pregnant, no wonder". But instead my mini bump gets me nothing. I feel bad still for needing to sit down during rounds. I hear myself apologizing for being pregnant. What? Apologizing? Yeah, it's true. I guess being a surgery resident makes you tough. But it also makes you want to be tough. I'm having a really hard time giving myself a break....when it comes to just about everything. I'm used to taking care of things myself. I'm a freakin' machine (usually). My husband has tried to tell me over and over again that I have other things going on. I'm building a baby piece by piece. It's not an excuse. It's the truth. Any parent would do whatever they could to make their child's life as wonderful as it can be. I guess I'm just starting earlier than most people. This is a huge sacrifice. This is hard. I feel dumb. I feel weak. And I feel like I can't be the hard core scalpel wielding bad a$$ I usually am. It's not easy.

I just have to remember that my priorities are not the same as the single non-married non-pregnant residents I work with. I may not be able to study as well for our upcoming exam. I may not be as prepared for work day to day. But it's all a balance. I need more sleep. I can't drink coffee and energy drinks like everyone else. I can't pull all nighters. I'm making a baby here people. I don't want your sympathy. I want your understanding. Don't compare me to everyone else. I'm me, and my situation is different than everyone else's. I need to stop apologizing. This is me. I rock! So there.