Exhaustion

So for those of you that know what tired is like, imagine being pregnant and a surgery resident. Now THAT is tired. I'm currently rotating on the SICU. At first I was pretty excited about this prospect....but now I think I'm completely over it. And the main reason, is that I'm freakin' tired. I haven't been on call, because I'm the only resident, and therefore cannot be post call....amazing how that works. But I can guarantee that I'll still be hitting my 80 hr mark this week. It seems that everyday around 4pm something terrible happens. By the time we agree with the attending on a plan and have intervened it's 5. Then when the chest x-ray finally comes back and we realize we gave the patient a pneumothorax or the line is going up the IJ instead of down, it's 6pm and we're scrambling to get stuff done. I am not a fan. I like to have things done and to be able to chill. My poor med students are convinced I'm a crazy pregnant women driven only by adrenaline and hormones. Quite frankly at this point I think they may be right. I'm currently afraid of the attending I'm working with and therefore I'm feeling almost forced to tough it through certain situations. But frankly I really can't round for multiple hours in a row without sitting in my current state. I got so hungry that today I and ran out of pocket food that almost threw up during our rounds. I'm sick of being tough. I'm a surgeon and it's looked down upon if you show weakness....really...it's true. I look at other residents and if they're good, the next thing is if they are bad-a$$ or not (cause if you're not good it really doesn't matter how tough you are). At this point though I think I'm going to have to take a break....I think I'm going to start sitting during rounds perhaps. I wish my belly was bigger so I could get a little more sympathy....and I wish my second trimester would come so I could stop being so miserable and actually enjoy this process.....