Time off

So I've been asked about taking time off as a resident for maternity leave. This is kind of a sketchy issue. The law says that I can have up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave for family medical issues such as maternity leave. Of course most of us....especially poor surgical residents, can't live without our paycheck, no matter how far ahead we start saving. My program....and most, is also constrained by the fact that in order to graduate you actually have to work a certain number of weeks to complete your residency. That's why they can only give you so much vacation time.
So if I were to take maternity leave during my regular residency there would be issues. First of all it's a big strain on the other residents who would obviously have to take more call, and fill in where I should be. Secondly I only have 3 weeks of vacation a year. So I'd have to take those first before anything else. So when it comes down to it....if you want to take more than what your vacation allows you have to make some sort of deal with the administration of your program. This may mean taking less vacation in subsequent years, or owing them time at the end of your residency.
The way I've worked around this is that I'll be doing research this next year. I've worked it out with the guy I'm working with that I'll be taking 6 weeks of maternity leave but that I'll be doing intermittent work from home, and I'll still get paid. I really don't think I could have done this any other way.....I worry that once that baby comes I'll never want to go to work again....

Ego

Nothing is more fragile than the ego and confidence of a surgery resident. Everyday is an up and down roller coaster of residents, attendings and fellows telling you you either cut it or don't. Usually these are small little things but they add up, and the smallest comment or disappointment can set you back with the blink of an eye. Of course there are bigger more objective measures too that can really bust your bubble. So we just got the scores from our national surgery in service exam. Let's just say I dd less than stellar and am on the shit list.

I knew I didn't do that well...I was expecting a disappointment....but I did even worse than I thought imaginable. The thing is, I don't think of myself as a crappy resident. I don't feel like everyone around me has some huge knowledge base I lack. I do know I hate standardized exams and have a really tough time with them.... I also know that my first trimester was the entire hardcore study time before my exam. I'm embarrassed however. I feel like even though exhaustion and constant nausea should be a good reason for not doing stellar on an exam that it's not legit. Ug.

Well...looks like I have a mandatory reading program with a faculty mentor looking over my shoulder in my future. Morale is low. Confidence in doctorly abilities is zero. Time to build myself up again.

Kids

So I just started my pediatric surgery rotation. I haven't taken care of kids since the third year of med school....and then it was just kids with RSV...I wasn't actually doing surgery on them. It's kind of crazy actually....first of all I didn't realize how young 16 year olds were. When I was 16 I thought I had everything figured out. But these kids come to the hospital and are totally content to watch cartoons and stuff like that...they still look to their parents for all the answers. Weird. They also do things a lot differently with kids....for instance if I were taking care of an adult I would expect them to be able to take a certain amount of pain and to be responsible enough to get themselves out of bed. But with kids they sedate them for everything and will give then days of coaxing to get them moving. I don't know if the sedation is really for the kid or for the provider truthfully. The kids do a lot of screaming and crying but I really don't think it's due to pain most of the time. I think they are scared out of their little minds. A strange place, strange people, plus they just got hurt and their parents are upset too. I was on call the other night and I had a kid with a 5% superficial burn to his arm and shoulder. Yeah I know it hurt, but it wasn't going to feel better until I debrided it and got a dressing on it. The parents were totally freaked out because now they thought they were terrible parents....of course they weren't....but they didn't see it that way. These accidents happen. You can only be so paranoid and so careful....things happen. Of course trying to tell distraught parents this doesn't really get you anywhere. So I gave the parents a couple options. They could either sit there with their screaming kid (yes we had given him pain meds, we aren't cruel) for 4 hours so I could sedate him. Or we could give a little more pain medicine and go for it. Either way there was going to be screaming and crying. They were pretty reasonable people and just wanted to get stuff done, so I went for it. In an adult this procedure would have taken me 10 minutes tops. But with a squirming, screaming kid it took forever. I think it may have taken 5 years off my own life in the process too. In the end the kid had his dressing on over a burn that was debrided to the best of my ability. There was still screaming and crying....but only when I came back into the room. Good luck bringing him to the doctor any time soon...

Feelin' good

So today I finally had a meeting with my trainer. It's been a long time since I've done much physical activity. But I feel pretty darn good now. The funny thing about being pregnant and working out is that your body is not your own. A couple crunches and then I have to pee and burp, and almost puke. But we took it slow and I enjoyed myself. I feel pretty darn energized too. Going to have to keep this up....like I used to before the parasite moved in.

Gettin' fat

So before I became pregnant I was a big athlete. I did a lot of running and I had a trainer....I wasn't ripped but I tried....and during residency that's all you really can do. But ever since I became pregnant things have changed. That first trimester was the worst. First of all I was afraid the little guy would jump off if I worked out hard. Yes I know that's ridiculous, but when you want to be pregnant so much you can taste it your brain does crazy stuff. Now of course I have not done any serious exercise in months...add this to the cold weather, the previous holiday season and working 80hr weeks....ick. So now I'm afraid I'm going to balloon even further and end up like one of the chicks on the Biggest Loser. I'm short...I don't have r0om for much more weigth on this little frame. Plus I've already gained 10 pounds! Most women gain somewhere between 20 and 30 lbs for each pregnancy....I guess I could safely gain another 20. That still scares the crap out of me....I've never been this big in my entire life.

So I do have a plan. I'm going to try and eat more fruits and veggies....it's been iffy before now cause I needed to eat things I could keep down, and they just weren't appealing to me. I need to drink more water instead of soda or lemonade. I just need to get my bootie movin'. I made an appointment with my trainer for this week...which should be good, and the hubby and I went for a walk today. I just need to do something. I know once it gets warm out it will be easier. But with feet of snow on my doorstep I need to do something now. Wish me luck!

Snow storm

So Iive in the Mid-Atlantic region that just got toppled with a giant snow storm. For normal people this is a reason to panic and buy unnecessary groceries in quantity and scramble home as soon as possible. For those of us however that are "essential" employees this is not the case. On Friday afternoon we were all well aware that the snow was coming....but the question was whether to go home with the possibility of not returning or to stay the night with the hopes of finding a cot to sleep on. The nurses always think they have it rough....and they do....but they have unions and stuff that make sure they get cots or beds to sleep on. Residents however have a certain number of call rooms available...and once those are taken you're pretty much out of luck. So despite fair warning I went home even though I knew I was on call Saturday. The idea of staying at the hospital from Friday morning til Sunday morning was not appealing...as was the notion of sleeping on a cold and dirty floor.

So Saturday morning I layered up and went for it. I didn't make it to the end of my complex.....I didn't even make it to the end of the driveway. Fortunately my husband was able to walk to me and keep me company as we waited for the tow truck to get us unstuck. But then the craziest thing happened. The tow truck guy told us to follow him so we could get my car back in the garage. Then the tow truck got stuck, and so did we. The truck got out and took off.....we later got a call from them stating it was too dangerous for them to be in our area and if it was an emergency to call 911. Mind you we were stuck in the middle of an intersection.

So after abandoning my car I actually still made it into work, although late. My chief lives close by and he picked me up hours later with his SUV. I admit I was hoping for a day off. My husband was too....he was worried about his pregnant wife getting stuck in a snow bank or worse.

Post ABSITE

So I came, I saw.....not so much conquered....but needless to say I am done with my big exam for the year. It's actually a very stressful process to go through. Being a physician means you get to take standardized exams like it's your freakin' job. I think however that many residents really think that it is more important to do well on a standardized exam then to actually be able to take care of patients (really take care of patients). I obviously am in the mindset of thinking that standardized exams are a way to keep standards....of how people do on standardized exams...not to actually measure how good you are with patients in a clinical situation. So for me....who always passes tests but never is stellar on these national exams....it's rather stressful.

I already mentioned that I didn't really feel very prepared for the test due to exhaustion and other physical demands of pregnancy. But truthfully if I had more time to study I don't think i would have done any better on the test. The stuff that was on the exam that I didn't know, I wouldn't have even known to study. Unfortunate but true. So I'm past it.....until of course my scores come back when I'll be in a panic again. But for now, i just have to get back into the swing of things again and actually accomplish all the things I have been putting off for the duration while I was studying for that stupid test.....time to fold three months of laundry and finally do some dishes :)

The night before

So tonight is the night before my big in service exam....the dreaded ABSITE. With my placenta brain I have had problems staying awake long enough to study each night. I admit I wish I had had more time to do some really serious studying. But at this time I think I've come to a moment of peace where I just have to realize my priorities. I'm making a baby for crying out loud! That's my top priority right now. I need sleep, I need to eat....and there is no question as to what I'm going to choose when these decisions come up. So tomorrow as I take my exam, wish me luck. I'll be fine...I've been preparing everyday for this test as I take care of the sick and dying. I'm a good resident, and this test is only a tiny bit of my overall performance evaluation. F it! I'm good to go :)

Junior

Have you ever seen the movie "Junior" with Arnold Shwartzenager? Well I have decided that when we have our next child my husband has got to do the whole pregnancy thing. I think I'm done. It's been a 3 grueling months, and I give up. I think I need to be sedated for the next 6 months. I only think it fair that we share the burden. I guess another not so practical option is to take 9 months off next time I get pregnant. Granted I probably will have to eat Ramen noodles for nine months straight since I won't be bringing in any income but that would be the price I think I may be willing to pay.

Who knows. These crazy pregnancy hormones are really controlling the show here. Once I have that little bundle of joy I may go into an oxytocin coma and end up deciding to get pregnant right away (despite my current state of mind). Maybe it will be easier the second time around. I've heard that most moms feel better about their pregnancies once they actually know what to expect.

In the mean time however, this is not easy. I feel like the only thing I'm good at is making a baby...wish me luck on my in-service exam this next week. The combination of placenta brain, and sleep deprivation has me bit worried...

Another Ultrasound

So today I went to another OB appointment. I'm so glad I'm going to a group in my own hospital. If I didn't I don't know how I would be able to make all of these appointments. How do regular people with jobs do this? I bet employers just get fed up with it by the end of 9 months and want them gone cause they have missed so much time from work before the baby even comes (and that's assuming you don't actually have any problems, heaven forbid).

So the best part of my OB visits are the ultrasounds. One of my coworkers was so surprised that this was my second ultrasound already. He said his poor wife didn't even get her first until they were past 20 weeks. Man, I am a lucky girl. No matter how crappy that little parasite is making me feel, seeing that tiny little body on that fuzzy screen makes it all worth it (even for a few short moments). My husband really love the pics too....he was terribly disappointed that he wasn't going to make it to my appointment today. I got extras (when you're a doctor you're not beneath begging when it comes to the small things you know another doctor can provide for you). I know I'm a big baby, and I know I complain a ton.....but....I'm in love with that tiny fuzzy ultrasound picture of my soon to be baby. It's some seriously good stuff. I'm sure before ultrasounds women just threw themselves over bridges cause they couldn't take the craziness anymore of being pregnant with no proof of viability and progression of their baby. Placenta brain will do that to you (it's nutz). Well these little photos will just have to keep me going until my next ultrasound, whenever that may be...

Excuses

I'm sick of making excuses. I'm tired. I don't feel well. I wish my belly was bigger so everyone would just say..."oh she's pregnant, no wonder". But instead my mini bump gets me nothing. I feel bad still for needing to sit down during rounds. I hear myself apologizing for being pregnant. What? Apologizing? Yeah, it's true. I guess being a surgery resident makes you tough. But it also makes you want to be tough. I'm having a really hard time giving myself a break....when it comes to just about everything. I'm used to taking care of things myself. I'm a freakin' machine (usually). My husband has tried to tell me over and over again that I have other things going on. I'm building a baby piece by piece. It's not an excuse. It's the truth. Any parent would do whatever they could to make their child's life as wonderful as it can be. I guess I'm just starting earlier than most people. This is a huge sacrifice. This is hard. I feel dumb. I feel weak. And I feel like I can't be the hard core scalpel wielding bad a$$ I usually am. It's not easy.

I just have to remember that my priorities are not the same as the single non-married non-pregnant residents I work with. I may not be able to study as well for our upcoming exam. I may not be as prepared for work day to day. But it's all a balance. I need more sleep. I can't drink coffee and energy drinks like everyone else. I can't pull all nighters. I'm making a baby here people. I don't want your sympathy. I want your understanding. Don't compare me to everyone else. I'm me, and my situation is different than everyone else's. I need to stop apologizing. This is me. I rock! So there.

Up

So I just watched the movie "Up" with my husband. I know it's supposed to be an adorable Pixar animated film....but I'm telling you, it was an emotional roller coaster. For any that haven't seen it, put it in your Netflix cue now, and actually see it. I was a complete wreck for most of the movie. It makes me think about what I'm actually missing....in particular, what I'm missing because I'm spending the "best years of my life" working 80 hours a week and taking care of other people instead of myself. This really used to bother me, especially during internship. I always felt like I was missing out. Ii didn't know what I was missing out on. But I felt like there was something more that I wasn't being able to experience. Having children was always one of these things I thought I was missing out on (well that changed). Now being pregnant has really made me realize how wonderful a life I lead.

Yeah, yeah...you're all rolling you eyes and about to look at some dumb blog on celebrity wardrobes now....but I'm serious. I'm a freaking' lucky chic. I'm smart (I'm a doctor for crying out loud)....I'm healthy (some people have a really hard time conceiving for one), and I'm married to a man I love and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with. Really, with all of those things what else do you need? My husband always says that "you already have all the tools to be happy now". It's true. I think most of us just don't see that on a regular basis.

So while "everyone else" is living the high life...I won't be missing out. Work is a drag at times. But you can't buy an MD. You can't pay money to save a man's life with your bare hands. No one can take any of those experiences away from me. Someday when I'm older and have my babies, I may decide not to work a million hours a week. It won't make me a crappier surgeon, it will just make me a better person. Someone people want to be their doctor, because they can truly relate with them.

I like my life. I like the simple things we do like going to the movies and talking walks around the neighborhood. I like doing nothing at home on the weekend with my man. I'm not missing anything. Those that think I am are the one's really missing out...I win at life.

The impatient patient

So I think I have a UTI....now this really bites. The worst part about be sick, is that I'm also a doctor. I scare the crap out of myself every time. Today I got myself in such a tizzy I actually called my own doctor. Which unfortunately usually makes the situation even worse. I have a pretty good understanding of the infection at hand, but I have no idea what it really means if you're also pregnant. As a surgeon I really don't deal with the gestationally impaired very often. So even though my symptoms aren't classic, and I couldn't give the doctor any of the cute buzz words she was looking for I'm on antibiotics. One I had never heard of, and now I'm concerned is either going to damage my liver or cause pulmonary fibrosis.

When I show up to the OB office in my scrubs, they remember who I am and treat me like an educated person. But when I called the answering service today she kind of gave me a hard time. Maybe it's cause I called on her day off, or maybe she was actually in the middle of something important....but still. I think the main message here is that I HATE BEING A PATIENT! I know too much and too little at the same time. Enough to be dangerous to my own psyche and enough to annoy doctors with my educated questions. But at the same time I just want to be treated like all patients do.....tell me everything is going to be OK....and give me something to make it better. Be a doctor for crying out loud!

Sleepless nights...

One of the real joys of being pregnant are the sleepless nights. I'm usually pretty darn exhausted, which means I'll fall asleep at 7pm. But it also means I wake up in the middle of the night restless and not exactly in a sleeping mode (but then again not in a mode to do much else either). Tonight is one of those nights. This is complicated further by crazy vivid dreams. Some of the reading I've done blames these on progesterone....I equate it to a ketamine coma. The progesterone knocks you out, and then you wake up in a nightmare. I wish my body would produce some benzo alternative to counteract this.

I think I'm also restless cause I'm excited about having everyone for dinner tomorrow night. I just wish I knew how many to expect....right now it's somewhere between 5 and 9. That's a big difference when it comes to serving a small crowd. The problem is, that most of my residency buddies never really know their schedule....everyone will tentatively say yes with the caveat that they may be too tired to come. I've also invited one of my chiefs and his fam....except even though we're buddies, I still don't like to bug him too much since he really doses make or break my call scheduled life. I guess I'll have to use the last form of communication available to me.....he's getting a page tomorrow. We all answer them from home, even at the strangest times....we can't help it....we feel compelled....so that's the last resort when all other modes fail...

Wii Fit

So today we were out and about and ended up going into a sporting goods store. They had the Wii Fit and my husband thought it could be fun. He used to do yoga quite a bit and thought that something that could collect data for him would inspire more workouts. So we came home with our new toy. My husband hooked everything up and gave me a good chuckle for about a half an hour. Truthfully I was pretty exhausted just watching him. Then it was my turn. Now I'm a big athlete...at least I was until the parasite within took over. I even ran in a 10mile race this fall with a personal best time. Unfortunately since I became pregnant exercising has had to go on the back burner. I have been SOOOOOOO exhausted. So I decided to try out my mad Wii skills. It was pretty low impact, some running in place, and punching air. Or so I thought....

Everything was fine, till my pregnant belly decided to reject it's contents. So embarrassing. I think I am officially the first person in the word to throw up after a Wii Fit workout.

The get together

So one of the most difficult things about being in surgical residency is actually getting together with your friends. I know this seems silly, but it's true. I live outside of the city where I work. Most of the single residents live right near the hospital and can almost walk there. I on the other hand have a handsome husband who actually has a great job. Unfortunately this means we have to split the commute. In the evenings it sometimes takes me an hour to get home, just cause I can't get out of the city. What this also means is that once I get out, there is no way I'm going back into the city to hang out. Sometimes on the weekends if I'm not on call we'll venture to an event, make it easy and take the metro. But on a week night it's just not going to happen. I'm sure the single residents looking for love have a much more robust social life. That of course may be due to desperation, and not wanting to actually sit all alone in their tiny apartments. I don't blame them.....I like coming home to my husband and our little cats (and soon our baby).

The other complication is call. I'm buddies with lots of people that aren't the same year as I am. If I want to have a bunch of people over together I have to scour over the call schedule to see if anyone is even available. This also means that whenever we go someplace someone is cranky cause they are post call. So tomorrow night I have finally managed to get all my peeps together for dinner at our place. I'm terribly excited. There will be 8 of us, and one baby (not mine, a toddler). I've been living here for about a year and a half and I haven't had any of my close friends to my place yet. Slightly embarrassing, but true. Let's see how joyous the 2 post call people will be....

Code time

So one of the joys of being in the SICU is that I get to carry the code pager. Fortunately for me this means a couple of things. First of all I have a good excuse to ge out of rounds unexpectedly. Secondly I don't actually have to run the code. I could, and sometimes I do if I'm the first one there (don't let us fool you, us surgeons will run a code as well as the next guy, I would just rather not)....but the real joy of being the surgery code pager person is that I put in the line and say goodbye. If you're in the field I'm sure you've had the joy of placing a femoral line during CPR. If you haven't, well let's just say it's a serious treat. My intern likes to come to the codes with me and watch my mad skills at work. I let him tag along for teaching purposes, but that line is really my responsibility so there is no way he's going to touch it....at least not during an emergency. Putting in a line during a code is like trying to tie your shoelaces while jumping on a trampoline. The body is going all over the place, the patient only has a pulse from the CPR, and you are just praying you don't stick yourself.

This week has been a code filled week. Truthfully they have been pretty interesting. One in IR, one in an endoscopy suite, and one in CT (now that bites). But the best was actually outside. I didn't know this but my hospital actually requires us to respond to codes within 200yds of the hospital. So this guy got hit by a car outside the hospital and was thrown into the air like a rag doll. Who shows up with just the firemen there?...well that would be Dr. Me :)

When I was younger I was a firefighter/EMT. It was slightly nostalgic rubbing elbows with my old counterparts. But at the same time it was slightly ridiculous. I had forgotten how much EMTs can do....and for that matter cannot. I think that's one of the reasons I got out of EMS. First of all I never felt like I had a complete picture of the patient and really wished I could see them get better. The second was that I hated going to people's houses. I remember going to one house where the women was passed out in her bathroom, and I could see her through the window. We knocked the door down and went running inside. Her house was filled with newspapers and other clutter. There was a tiny path to the bathroom. When we got in it was obvious she had been dead for over a day. I hated the idea of someone dying at home all alone....it really bothered me. I guess at least now, even though I'm surrounded by the dying, I feel at least like I am either fixing them or preventing pain and suffering.

K-ankles

So I think i may be developing "kankles". You know, where your ankles become so big they look like they are as big as your calves....well I guess Kankles should be spelled with a "c" then...hmmm SO as a surgeon standing is the norm. I probably stand for eight to twelve hours a day, much of the time in multi-hour blocks. Yeah, it's not easy, and it takes some getting used to. I remember when I was in medical school I was a total fainter and it was a serious problem. I would be in a big case assisting...then something would happen. I don't know what it was, maybe I saw something new and absolutely gross, or maybe I just locked out my knees for a little too long. But either way I would just turn pale white, sweat through my scrubs and the world around me would begin to tunnel in. I never ended up flat on the floor, but I'm sure given another minute there were many times when I could have been.

So it's kind of expected that most surgically associated activities are done standing (unless you're a hand surgeon I suppose). This of course includes rounds. Now I'm currently on a SICU rotation, and that means that there is more of a medicine feel to the course of the day. It also means my attending is a medicine doc running a SICU. I was always more of a fan of surgeons that ran SICUs because I always felt that if they had actually done the surgery at some point in their career they would have a better understanding of the patient and their problems....plus it's truly a different style of practice. For those of you in surgery or medicine, you know what I mean....it's not that there is anything wrong with either side of the coin. Granted I think the surgery and medicine residents spend countless hours throughout residency mocking the other for their ridiculous consults whether they be for lactates not associated with any other symptom, or for DM that for some reason they can't control. But regardless, my current rotation involves a lot of rounding. Surgeons make fun of medicine docs for all of their incessant rounding and hours and hours of differentials and deep discussion into a BS of 99. But it looks like I'm currently doing the same....whether it be by choice or not.

This week was out of control and completely off the hook. Our attending (who I'll refer to as Dr. Cupcake) is the most strict, anal retentive, scares the crap out of you on a daily basis SICU attending in our hospital. Needless to say I am so happy to be done with his torture. Granted I did learn some important stuff this week....but I never like it when attending treat you like the scum of the Earth. It's not like I want to be scum. I'm actually quite interested and trying as best as I can. I really don't give the wrong answers just to ruin your day. In fact I feel bad and embarrassed when I don't know how to read your mind and give the answers required. See...I'm working it here. Of course this guy likes to round for multiple hours a day. This is after the residents have already seen the patient and written their notes. So we end up standing in the SICU for multiple hours at a time. There is no cool surgery going on, there is nothing to really lean on, it's just you and the constant pain and humiliation.

Being pregnant makes this even more difficult. I'm pretty used to pain and humiliation. I'm pretty thick skinned and just try to take crappy comments as a refection on the person they came from, and focus on the info I failed to regurgitate, and try to do better the next time. Otherwise I would be a wreck and wouldn't be able to to sleep at night. But the standing is killing me. I think I'm getting some swelling in my ankles too. Hence the worry about kankles. So I'm going to sit during rounds from now on (if I can manage it)....I think I'm going to steal one of the nurses rolly chairs and drive myself around the unit. Maybe I should even sport my suport hose from back in medical school. Let's see how this goes.

Exhaustion

So for those of you that know what tired is like, imagine being pregnant and a surgery resident. Now THAT is tired. I'm currently rotating on the SICU. At first I was pretty excited about this prospect....but now I think I'm completely over it. And the main reason, is that I'm freakin' tired. I haven't been on call, because I'm the only resident, and therefore cannot be post call....amazing how that works. But I can guarantee that I'll still be hitting my 80 hr mark this week. It seems that everyday around 4pm something terrible happens. By the time we agree with the attending on a plan and have intervened it's 5. Then when the chest x-ray finally comes back and we realize we gave the patient a pneumothorax or the line is going up the IJ instead of down, it's 6pm and we're scrambling to get stuff done. I am not a fan. I like to have things done and to be able to chill. My poor med students are convinced I'm a crazy pregnant women driven only by adrenaline and hormones. Quite frankly at this point I think they may be right. I'm currently afraid of the attending I'm working with and therefore I'm feeling almost forced to tough it through certain situations. But frankly I really can't round for multiple hours in a row without sitting in my current state. I got so hungry that today I and ran out of pocket food that almost threw up during our rounds. I'm sick of being tough. I'm a surgeon and it's looked down upon if you show weakness....really...it's true. I look at other residents and if they're good, the next thing is if they are bad-a$$ or not (cause if you're not good it really doesn't matter how tough you are). At this point though I think I'm going to have to take a break....I think I'm going to start sitting during rounds perhaps. I wish my belly was bigger so I could get a little more sympathy....and I wish my second trimester would come so I could stop being so miserable and actually enjoy this process.....

First ultrasound

Well today I had my first ultrasound....man I was nervous. Fortunately everything went really smoothly. All the measurements are exactly where they are supposed to be too! It was actually rather comical going to the OB. First of all I went during work. Yeah, I decided to deliver at the hospital I work at cause otherwise there is no way I could get time off to go to all of the appointments somewhere else.

So I'm currently running a SICU single handedly....ok I have 2 med students, but that really just increases your workload. So I had to convince the attending I work for to let me go even though all of our patients are sick as sh!t. I also had to give my code pager to one of the other residents. I didn't want to end up stuck in stirrups when a code came through and be stuck with my pants down (literally). I must have said something right cause I actually got there on time to my appointment. The waiting room of my OB is always a strange sight as well. It's an inner city hospital....there are tons of pregnant teens with their no good boyfriends, and people with a billion kids already. I was the only doctor in the room....and I think maybe the only person in the room who actually had a planned pregnancy. It's really sad actually. Big problem in our society that I probably shouldn't get into.

Needless to say it was nice to have another data point. I ran around my SICU for the rest of the day dropping Swans and tapping lungs with a pic of my baby in my pocket. I'm living the life....

Anticipation

So tomorrow is my first official OB appointment. I admit I am seriously nervous about it. I think as a physician I have seen a lot of terrible things and I worry that they may happen to me. I remember in med school on my OB/GYN rotation these poor women who had miscarriages they didn't know about til we told them there was no baby. There were patients with children that just came out all wrong and we didn't know in advance....I know just enough and have just enough real experience to put myself into a tizzy. My husband fortunately is great and is trying (although not completely successfully) to calm my fears. Our current stance is that more data is needed before any conclusions can be made, so it would really just be a shame to worry so much. But now I guess I've gotten into a mode where nothing is going to fix this until I go to my appointment...I think I'm going to puke.

Airlines

So today we ventured back home from our short vacation to see the rents. I'm not even that pregnant and I realized today how horrible plane rides can be for the parasite impaired. Fortunately for me the flight was only a short one hour in the air, but the landing was a different story. My husband is a seriously tall guy so every time we fly he gets the aisle. Yes I know I'm pregnant and I should just make him deal, but it's painful to watch him crunch up like and accordion.....so I was stuck in the window seat, with a kicking toddler behind me, and a pilot who got his license driving bumper cars. Seriously, I thought I was going to toss some cookies during our landing. My husband nervously removed the air sickness bag from the seat pocket just in case. Thank goodness I didn't actually have to use it. This was kind of like keeping a scalpel in your pocket. For those of you who aren't in the field, or those of you who are and think I'm silly....keeping a scalpel in your pocket keeps the bad vibes away :) Yeah a senior surgeon told me that once. So I carry one, in hopes of never having to actually use it for an emergency. I will wave it in the air during a stressful moment in the trauma bay and it seems to calm the masses. (Yes it's still sterile and wrapped, it's not like I'm waving a knife in the air like a crazy person.)